♛ stale incense old sweat and lies lies lies

prease

2009-10-22T16:17:43Z

I am having THE most trouble ever finding a layout that a) I like and b) actually works.

Where do you guys get yours? I've been on mintyapple but I keep looking at the same things.

I feel like my internet efficiency levels have gone down upon coming to college, haha. Less time, I guess?

starpollution @ 2009-10-20T19:30:00

2009-10-20T23:31:14Z

So.

I got a tumblr.

Anyone else have one? I need friends. :D

♥

2009-10-18T21:53:03Z

One of my favorite artists...

I. Am. In. Love.

music uploads #1

2009-10-18T00:25:01Z

I've been meaning to start uploading songs I've been listening to lately for a while. They'll be mixes of popular and maybe not so well known artists, so hopefully somebody can find something new that they like. :D I'll probably do as many songs as I can upload to mediafire at once. So here's some for now!

58 - Alone Again (Naturally)
Combichrist - Spit
David Bowie & Trent Reznor - I'm Afraid of Americans
Debout sur le zinc - les mots d'amour
Elbow - Grounds for Divorce
Jane's Addiction - Whores
Janet Jackson - What Have You Done for Me Lately
Les Negresses Vertes - Zobi la Mouche
Machines of Loving Grace - Shake
Machines of Loving Grace - X-Insurrection
My Bloody Valentine - She Loves You No Less
Nine Inch Nails - Not So Pretty Now
Nine Inch Nails - Vessel
Nitzer Ebb - Join in the Chant (Gold!)
Rob Zombie - Superbeast
Schaft - Arbor Vitate
Skid Row - Youth Gone Wild
Skunk Anansie - Because of You

↪ 10/17/09 - download

starpollution @ 2009-10-15T20:17:00

2009-10-16T00:20:16Z

NEW FAVORITE EVERYTHING

haaah seung ho ♥

happy happy

2009-08-25T18:38:01Z

Got home a few hours ago, and...

I'm fine!

Kind of anticlimactic but I feel so, so much better. A ridiculously huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. He didn't even do an EKG! I follow up one more time in February, but that'll probably be the last. Things learned today:

• I tend to have a (really) fast heart rate, no particular reason why.
• I'm hypersensitive to it now, but I've probably been like this for a while.
• Trying to figure out my heart rate on my own = bad.
• Soda/too much chocolate is not going to happen (caffeine free sometimes, maybe. Not a big deal.)
• Starbucks should be avoided, with some exceptions.

The caffeine will raise my heart rate, but it won't hurt me. It'll just make me feel uncomfortable. If I want to deal with that once in a while I can get a frappuccino or whatever. Yessss!

So now I can stop obsessing over this stuff in here. That's good. :D

starpollution @ 2009-08-14T22:40:00

2009-08-15T02:56:46Z

I saw cure4thecommon did this, so I tried it too. :D It's scarily accurate. Seriously. How do they know all this.

Your result for The Quick & Painless ENNEAGRAM Test...

4- the Individualist

you chose BY - your Enneagram type is FOUR (aka "The Romantic")

"I am unique"

Romantics have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.

How to Get Along with Me
• Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.
• Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.
• Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.
• Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.
• Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting!

What I Like About Being a FOUR
• my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level
• my ability to establish warm connections with people
• admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life
• my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor
• being unique and being seen as unique by others
• having aesthetic sensibilities
• being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me

What's Hard About Being a FOUR
• experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair
• feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved
• feeling guilty when I disappoint people
• feeling hurt or attacked when someone misunderstands me
• expecting too much from myself and life
• fearing being abandoned
• obsessing over resentments
• longing for what I don't have

FOURs as Children Often
• have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original games
• are very sensitive
• feel that they don't fit in
• believe they are missing something that other people have
• attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc.
• become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood
• feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents' divorce)

FOURs as Parents
• help their children become who they really are
• support their children's creativity and originality
• are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings
• are sometimes overly critical or overly protective
• are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed

Take The Quick & Painless ENNEAGRAM Test</a> at HelloQuizzy

bathroom

2009-07-30T16:46:56Z

I love low budget gothy PVs. This is fabulous. :D

starpollution @ 2009-07-27T12:05:00

2009-07-27T16:09:50Z

Okay, I figured I'd put this here in case you're also on my facebook/only saw part of the story/whatever.

Short version:

I went into the doctor Saturday morning because I wanted medicine for bronchitis. I get there and they tell me I have an extremely fast heart beat (it went up to 190 at one point) and I need to go to the hospital.

Went on an ambulance, got tons of medicine, spent forever in the ER, was at the observation unit all night, got an ultrasound done, a billion EKGs, had my own little heart rate machine, almost got sedated + the two shocky things to restart my heart, and finally went home Sunday afternoon.

So now I'm home and okay, just kinda sore from the hospital bed/dizzy from not eating/still having bronchitis. Basically it was a combination of things, like sudafed, caffeine from soda, fever, nerves, inhalers, etc. and I probably have a fast rate anyway. I go back to the cardiologist in a few weeks to follow up.

But most importantly I'm awake and feel fine, just sick. :D

sadtime

2009-07-11T18:07:20Z

I got a small sample of Piguet's Bandit today. (Short review here for the amazing description). I'm madly in love with it.

I also think I'm allergic to it somehow...?

I got a little on my finger when I opened the vial, let it sit for a little while, and then washed it off. That finger's now red and itchy and my asthma's acting up.

How very. Very. Very unfortunate. I had plans for this too!

It could be a coincidence, since sometimes soap makes my hands red and sometimes my asthma gets stupid for no reason. I also don't know what part I'm allergic to. Chanel's Platinum Egoiste and Chance (in shower gel) bother me a little too, but so far no other fragrances have.

What's going on!

agkldsjgds perfume

2009-06-29T21:06:48Z

So! Today lots of things came. :D

A pair of heart shaped sunglasses that I've wanted for a ridiculously long time, Cinnamoroll shoe laces (I interpreted the Engrish wrong, this is only two laces, not two pairs. Can't do much with that.), and lots of perfume samples! I also got a red polka dot top from Frederick's buuut unfortunately it was too big. :| So I'm going to send it back and get something else.

Since I'm totally obsessed with new fragrance mania I have to include my thoughts. This will probably help me with my next order anyway. I got all the samples from theperfumedcourt.com, they hand decant everything and included a few pieces of candy. :D The coffee one was really good.

Comme des Garcons - Odeur 71
I already had a sample of this and love it like crazy, so I had to get a slightly larger spray version. It suits my personality well.

Comme des Garcons - Skai
I don't fully understand this one but I looove it. It's this synthetic, PVC-ish scent with something else that I can't really name. It's something I've smelled before, though. Very alluring.

Comme des Garcons - Peppermint
Instant love. I'm pretty much obsessed with mint everything - the smell, the taste, the color, etc. This is a wonderful mint scent with organic undertones, so it's like an actual peppermint leaf minus the potential smell of dirt. Going to wear this a lot over the summer.

CB I Hate Perfume - Fire From Heaven
Aghgh this is so good. Smoke/burning fragrances are among my favorites and this gives it a slightly different edge. It's not overly smokey but it's also not too sharp. It smells really familiar though. Somewhat like the scent of... Spaceship Earth at Disney World. The mixture between the simulated smoke and then the industrial surfaces of the loading area.

Heeley - Ophelia
Probably the softest fragrance I own. Seems very good for summer. It's incredibly soft and feminine, floral without screaming flowersflowersflowers!! It's cool and gives off really good vibes, I think it suits me.

Bvlgari - Blv Notte
I'm a huge lover of Bvlgari and I've been dying for Blv Notte since I read the description. I tested some of the men's fragrance at Perfumania about a month ago and really liked the tobacco/musk/juniper combination but it felt a bit light. This new sample smells much lighter and more flowery, so... I'm asusming it's the women's fragrance. Even though it's light, something about it really appeals to me. I probably think it's more sensual than it's meant to be, fjdkls.

cinnamoroll

2009-06-22T04:56:45Z

I am on a serious mission right now to find a Cinnamoroll plush. Ebay has a limited selection and Sanrio's site has maybe five items of him, total. I want it to...

- Not cost $40. That's too much.
- Not be a 5" UFO plush (but I'll take this if I can't find bigger ones)
- Not be his friends, actually be Cinnamoroll/Cinnamon, the white one.

I've looked on all the cute Japanese stuff stores I can think of/find. Any ideas? D:

stand by u

2009-06-17T03:52:17Z

chunnnnnnnnnnn ♥

This is rivaling Doushite...? for me. Can't handle it!

meme tiems

2009-06-17T01:34:46Z

Saw that deetheninja had it up, and... here it is again. Last time I got busy and never posted anything so I figure I'll try again. I need something to do anyway. Life's boring when your friends are working three thousand hour shifts and you don't have a job.

Photo Meme

Ask me to take a picture of any aspect of my life that you're interested in - it can be anything from the house I live in to my favorite shoes. Leave your choice here as a comment, and I will reciprocate by taking the pictures and posting them as an LJ entry. That way you get to know a little bit about my life, if you're remotely interested in it.

dream

2009-06-15T23:45:48Z

Alriiight, so I had a fairly involved dream last night/this morning. It involves being kidnapped and forced to live with a scary family, being abused/humiliated, and... Yoochun.

I was at Starbucks with Jess and Alli, we were either in a city for a concert or we stopped on the way or something. Before we left I said I was going to stop at the bathroom, they all said okay and that we'd meet up outside.

While I was washing my hands the door opened and a man walked in. Obviously I was freaked out because it was definitely a women's restroom and he was giving off intense scary vibes. I started panicking and grabbed a paper towel so I wouldn't look too suspicious and was about to turn around and walk out when he started pinching my arm and then grabbed it so I couldn't get away. He pulled me out the door while I was screaming for someone to help me, but I don't remember seeing what was outside the bathroom after that.

He took me back to his house where I was forced to live with him and his wife. His wife was decent, she would sometimes sneak me extra food or let me do things the man usually forbid. She was a bit heavy, and now that I think about it looked surprisingly like Hercules's human mother... but anyway.

The man was absolutely disgusting. He was fairly overweight, always sweaty and dirty, with this unruly assortment of short facial hair. I don't remember details, but he would force me to take off my clothes and do any number of humiliating things, sometimes tied up, while he watched and recorded everything. I think he sold the videos to people. Beyond that he was extremely controlling of both me and his wife.

I had been living with them for about a year and they started to trust me, so I would be allowed to walk around on my own in public places as long as they were nearby. We were at some big social event, I think it had to do with school or something, in a large room where people were standing around the perimeter of this huge rectangle. I'm not sure what was inside. I was walking around and saw my dad, but the man and his wife were nearby so I had to be really sneaky.

I told him what was going on, where I was living, their names, and so on, ad he said he would find a way to get me out, but then I had to leave or I'd look too suspicious.

Then the dream fast forwarded to two or three years later. I had been rescued and since it was the summer I was living at home, I had also started going to college earlier. I was, obviously, extremely traumatized and had a hard time trusting people and being around men. I was constantly paranoid and afraid of everything.

And then here it gets even stranger - I was in a relationship with Yoochun and he was spending part of the summer in the states with me. He was one of the few people I really trusted and felt at ease around. He understood why I acted the way I did, was very patient and sweet, and was overall very comforting but not at all in a condescending sort of way. So overall I was extremely content with Chunface.

At this part of the dream I was outside in a park sort of place sitting on a wall with him (for a fountain, or a landscaping thing, etc.) It was very bright and sunny, like the stereotypical happy summer scene. Jess and Alli were with us but they had gone to buy drinks or something and said they would be back soon. Naturally I had a fear of being alone so in any other situation I would have been freaking out, but since I was with him I felt very safe and happy. Aand so the dream ended with happy Chun cuddlytimes.

Well.

Now this monstrosity needs to be interpreted!

Besides that I had a good day, went to DSW with the crew and bought myself some Converse action for Disney World... now me and Jess are going to match. I haven't worn sneakery-type shoes in years!

leafy

2009-06-11T20:41:26Z

Shinon scans. I now have them. The picture of Miya smoking and leaning against a building in the exact same pose as when I talked to him outside in NY made me laugh. As did Tatsurou's dressing of Satochi. Lots of it did, actually.

I have an email for UD now, how official! But... there are a few things I still need to accomplish.

☑ Take online tests to get email account
☑ Activate email/usernames/etc.
☑ Take the math placement exam by June 13 (as in do it today or tomorrow)
☑ Send email about Japanese placement exam (scary!)
☑ Appointment for asthma/room issues
☐ Send in health forms for asthma
☐ Appointment for meningitis/pneumonia shots
☐ Send in immunization records
☐ Buy and read summer reading book
☐ Delaworld on June 26 (ewww)

great googly moogly

2009-06-11T02:46:43Z

Me and Jess had a most excellent adventure last night.

So yesterday the power went out. We had a few hours of nothingness before we all went to my dad's last school board meeting as the president (he wasn't voted back in and this was his 10th year). Jess's family is friends with mine, etc. etc.

After that she decided to come back to my house to spend the night. The power was still out so we played ouija board by candlelight for a while, then everyone else went to bed. There was a light in the living room because the generator was running, but that was it. We figured that we'd wait for the power to come back on before we went upstairs to my room to sleep.

My room is called the portal to hell, so obviously you don't want to be up there in the dark if you don't absolutely have to be.

We sat around and talked for a while, mostly about our relationship woes and for some reason sex toys, until around 2:30am when we gave up and went upstairs.

My room smelled very strongly of a particular man, and we were both freaked out because I don't have that fragrance or anything like it. Then there were the unexplainable noises, and then I kept seeing something behind her in the shadows, which scared her when she saw how I was getting nervous. I assumed it was Anjou at first, but then we realized it was definitely someone else, and sometimes you can just sense that something's going wrong. We've both been scratched up by not so pleasant things (she had claw marks on her feet, someone scratched "hi" into my shoulder) so we were not taking chances.

We gave up being brave and decided that we could not stay in that room, and took her mattress and all our stuff down the stairs. We set it all up in the kitchen, since there was some light from the generator but not the intense light of the living room (my sister was sleeping in there and wanted the light on).

We were putting the sheets on when I somehow destroyed my thumbnail. It ripped up on the sides, twisted, tore halfway down the nailbed on one side, and then the corners impaled themselves in my skin. I was bleeding all over the place and had to pull the nail out and it was overall very unpleasant.

Right after I start freaking out over it, the electric comes back on. Past 3am.

In defeat, we took everything back upstairs and slept there.

and no matter what i do i feel the paiiiiin! with or without you!

2009-06-08T23:43:04Z

I made a cake today! Lemon cake with lemon frosting... obviously. Nice penmanship, I know!
Definitely doing this again. Banana cream is next on the list.

bedazzled clam

2009-06-07T07:14:11Z

Another post!? Yeah, but this one has a picture.

I tricked out my clam! It's dazzling. Simply dazzling.

That little bow took me like five thousand years to make.
I was much more serious about this than I should have been.

Now I will be filled with happiness/start laughing at 9pm every day!

already!

2009-05-31T00:39:37Z

I am sick. :|

According to her mom on facebook, Jess was yesterday too. Upset stomach, dizziness, etc. All the things I have, and now I have a pretty nasty fever. I thought I was just feeling bad because I hadn't eaten this morning, then that what I did eat was bad or something, and then I went out to take a walk so I'd get out where it's warm. All it did was exhaust me and now I realize I have some feveritis going on.

The last time I was in contact with anybody was Thursday, but of course, I catch absolutely anything!

Gonna go crawl under a blanket and play a video game or something, I'm freeeezing.

my awesome lungs

2009-05-25T20:02:35Z

Graduation is tomorrow and I have a very serious problem. D:

I need to have my inhaler on me at all times. We aren't allowed to bring bags. My gown is white so it's kind of see through. I was going to wear a really small sling bag or something but we couldn't find any while shopping today.

So, how am I going to keep it with me? I'll be there for five hours. Chances are I'll be able to wait until it's over if it's just a gradual breathing thing, but if I have an attack I could be in trouble.

What to do!

riida is #1

2009-05-19T01:34:03Z

Nice use of photographer in the mirror!

france bgm

2009-05-08T00:43:18Z

☑ 5/07 AP Literature exam
☐ 5/12 AP Environmental Science exam
☐ 5/12 AP Psychology exam

☐ 5/15 AP Literature final
☐ 5/14-15 AP Environmental Science final
☐ ??? Statistics final
☐ 5/11-12 (?) Japanese final
☐ ??? Chinese... final? There's no material, haaah!

☐ Due 5/15 AP Psychology video group project
☐ Due 5/15 Japanese video group project

☐ 5/18Prepare for and present my senior project to a second, stricter panel, at an unknown time and place with unknown people, and maybe get a scholarship

. . .

I'm going to Yuketsuko-style pool stick this nonsense into submission.

starpollution @ 2009-04-25T12:51:00

2009-04-25T16:53:51Z

starpollution @ 2009-04-22T15:50:00

2009-04-22T19:56:42Z

Hi my name's Megan and my journal consists of Mucc pictures and Dir en grey videos.

So... Kaoru hand closeup on the preview!? This will be great. The flashbacks are coming and they feel amazing.

In grosser news, I got a filling about an hour ago... it was tiny so it didn't have to be numbed or anything. I'd never been to the dentist for anything but a cleaning so I was kind of scared, but it didn't even hurt. The worst part of the dentist is always the light since my eyes are super sensitive and won't stay open, so I end up squinting a lot and looking ridiculous.

And now me and Jess are going to do pointless nonsense and probably not study as much as we should. Me and her and Alli have totally been rebels lately (who don't do their math work in class and instead turn it in the next day so our grades don't go down too much, ldgsj)

Closing note: Today at school I was extremely outgoing, I'm kind of confused.